Boomerang

Because I was greedy, engrossing -

noisily didn’t spare myself.

Unsatiable, nasty demandåd

for the world  all over the rest.

You gave me your spirit in answer,

entire, full heart

and simply complete of yourself.

Normally concerning my nature

it wasn’t enough,

so into logic stumped up free of a change.

 

Without any conscience

consecrate you with passion

on guilty  forbearance

while the choice of own losses

was exclusively mine.

Thus succeeded

in forcing a MAN,

who knows what love is

to clench up his teeth

and be in pain down to bone.

And yet inhuman indeed  is

years of strangled, dull nights

to the bitter end, ruthlessly missing

stiff, congealed universes

of days left behind,

during which gain on your temper

you just fly off  telling no word,

although certainly clear about

a wound how is bleeding

without drop of blood...

 

Erupt and ghastly accusing,

cause ailing was constant

till death.

Explicit idea - imagine

how ugly is dying a person,

while remains externally mum.

No matter! -  hands awfully wringed

all over this very time,

like a child I was praying, and praying:

Forget me, good Lord!

Keep him - be okay and alive...

 

Oh, yes! Sometime or other 

all goes back the way as it came,

and you pay for.

Oh, no! Not at interest,

but with break-up till end!

So... when your heart stopped beating,

I didn’t tell you -

mine ceased as well.

 

Myself I cost nothing,

in spite of yet dared

to pretend in my asking

for gratuitous credit

from devils, and God,

and whoever

such a power had -

I didn’t care!

Offered all over of mine -

body, and soul, 

heart, and my mind.
Urging I cursed

down on whole knees -

lets take my life!,

and bring you back

in place of me.

 

Tomorrow became in today

and my striving has been

emphatically kept.

I am a woman old-fashioned -

out of appropriate debts.

A single fixed word is respected,

pay given votive each time in cash.

Laying  piteous claims

pretty enough is so far.

Up to here I am,

for nothing long in addition

from destiny, future and life.

Let you simply just breathe,

otherwise... otherwise... otherwise...

I only entreat to exist. 

---

Difference

 

Music nocturnal,

rain in the eyes,

sip of a longing,

fragranceof rime...

 

Dream of a dreaming,

sin by mistake,

torment of sinner,

tender prostrate...

 

Ìagic reflection,

sufferance flight,

tomb desperation,

full face jar sight...

 

Obscure foreboding,

rage feebleshaft,

oracle fateful,

self-ironical laugh...

 

Simple trans-lucency,

black water growth,

ocean infinity,

solitude coast...

 

Fragrance of blossom,

sea-bottom foam,

wind through the hair,

storm of a snow...

 

Sand in oasis,

dagger keen blade,

shadow from touching,

flint-glass sound grave...

 

Ruthless in mercy,

note without false,

tear-drop hidden,

foliage like falls...

 

Broken damn shackles,

pity in chains,

fortunate horseshoe,

stripe sediment...

 

String just untasted,

dumb as a moon,

moonlight strip carpet,

highway in blame...

 

Sore from affection,

veracity torn,

living attachment,

pain up to bone...

 

Passion to madness,

distraction to blood,

ashes from fire,

fever to death...

 

Severe reality,

moment of peace,

fair vitality,

soft-hearted grief...

 

Succeed in defining?

Recognize it at all?

YOUR fabulous smiling

and disparate soul...

 

---

 

Alkatras

 

Brain totally lost, can’t be achieved -

squeezes franticly, hardly

my black sense-kerchief.

 

Clenches my throat (suffocation predict)

bloody, confounded hand -

reliable up-mortal grip.

 

Howls stifled wrest out

(keep silent, and quiet, and still) -

prolonged wails like bettered coyote

together ostensibly words smiling excrete.

 

Swoon while beseech without trail of a pride,

like beggar convicted endeavour to deal :

Whit of an air provide me!

Just a second, a moment to breathe!

Forget dreams, no more wishes behind!

 

Not able to get and imagine how could you miss...

---

Execution

 

The wall disgustingly falls

under your burden,

betrayed by its very essence.

Illusion of staunchness

crumbles to nothing,

stares right in eyes blanked.

Tears up core

truth other’s in words -

blood spurtingly beats.

Go on!

Problem not yours.

Know how bullets can hit?

Again,

yet again,

demolishing down

through slow - motion frame.

Face meets the sky.

Earth,

soft as a mire,

or is probably dirt

my last burying-ground?

Nonentity- excellent friend.

You can be proud...

---

Sensation 

of shadowiness...

Days go to nights.

Listen to you -

reflections are bright.

 

Seaming, then cut -

painting is blown.

Body of man,

sight of your own.

 

Curtail again,

ruthlessly stretch.

Nasty adapting -

need badly a patch.

 

Nature and ego,

dream is behind.

Ripping yourself 

to a very design.

 

Move on,

make-up

and stage.

Do bow -

always

in cage.

 

Anger,

passion

and blame.

Tear,

remorse -

can’t remain.

 

Silence and dust,

right, right along.

Time is like ocean,

you do belong.

 

to it,

and her,

and them.

Sucks in

your fate

like our rain.

 

Washes away of a sudden,

you feel somehow a grin.

When look up in mirror -

stripped down to a skin.

 

And remains what?

 

Pieces of string.

Terrible pain.

Ashes of heart.

Love is the name.

---

Catharsis

 

Evening. Image. Banish. Exasperation.

Choice.  Without choice. Single.

Black groan.

 

Grief.  Soul lining.  And devastation.

Palms. Vice. Crumpling. Rending.

Ànd calm.

 

Melody. Madness. Blast.  And reverses.

Fingers. Convulsed. Worm. Be enraged.

Ugly blame to your own.

 

Mercy. Mendicity. Sins. And redemption.

Ridicule. Murderer. Private. Deadness.

Apocalypse now belongs.

 

Morning. Completed.  And fate. Continuation.

Road. And exhausted. Not from exhaustion.

Till when?

 

Answer. Fortunes. Doom. Crucifixion.

While I can live. And after again.

Do you remain or...  just yes?

 

---

 

Klaustrophoby

 

Miss you a way you hard understand. 

I’ll give some rough outlines,

no frivolous efforts,

intrusive and startling,

detailed explanations going to save.

Tired from life passions,

don’t want at veneer

and vanity, spotlights

your eyes into peer.

 

Naive, suggested you things

you’ve got no inner need.

Like doughnut I’m swollen,

make fool of myself must to admit

from all tears, you’ll have a dislike - 

I’m awfully,

terribly ugly! 

What happens hard to believe -

grow silent as dumbfounded child,

locked up in darkness, can’t even breathe.

You love me so much and so crazy,

that’s why graciously leave.

 

Quite hardly that all is,

tell you big lies.

Overstate and intentional

I am sometimes.

Through my pores your feelings

always comprehend.

For these emotions tempestuous - forgive!

Thus myself I defend.

 

Rather truth naked is,

common and plain,

you can’t make out, 

for sure don’t claim -

when I miss you,

earth vanished -          

doesn’t exist!

Black space in a hole.

Same you do feel if,

and through fall,

I ask you in brief:

survival is possible?

Be able to live?

 

Doesn’t matter indeed!

You own more

than you really need.

Calm night want to wish,

go on! -

dream all dreams

inside truly you do itch.

 

---

 

Leprosa

 

Know how to embrace -

respectable evaluation.

Understand and forgive

without foul calculation.

 

A sip of stuff bitter,

deposition leaks.

Stare hardly at glass -

mock you receive.

 

Donation till tomb,

silence cursed goal.

You’re simply for love,

others be worthy of all.

 

Burst like balloon

heart doesn’t resist.

Pour on with water -

turns to concrete.

 

Space of a privilege

fence wire behind.

Laugh at myself -

ironic goes mind.

 

Strength only yours -

edification disease.

I’m taking the merit -

treatments do miss.

 

---

 

Harmony

 

Romeo and Juliet

resounds...

Not Shakespeare, no -

music of Straits,

a very old one.

 

Throat suffocated,

my TV is out.

Silence do beam.

Ridiculous looking,

in tears I stream.

 

Used never to cry

when we made love,

like in the band...

 

Sobbing aloud

only in moments

just as it stands...

 

Things meant to be -

miss as I miss you

like in the band...

 

Heart badly attack
only in moments

just as it stands...

 

My Lord...

You came!

Against all odds, in spite of delay!

Kiss me!

You smile?

Me too in a second, right, right away...

 

---

 

Adagio

 

Good evening, honey! Embrace you... and would like to talk.

-Welcome, my darling! I’m so, so pleasured!

Let’s have a walk?

 

Give me a hearing and don’t get upset, it’s worthless to be!

- For God’ sake, you scare me! What happened, my love?

Don’t want inside to predict...

 

Dwelling on us, I’ve taken decision...will tell you the story at once.

- Don’t be in hurry! My lifetime belongs you.

Should I say it again in advance?

 

I’m going away, my sweetheart, my sunshine! You have to be strong!

- Go where? And when? What’re you talking about...?

Say I can’t make it out and I’m... wrong!

 

Our roads are belated, passing each other! Forgive me, I was insane!

- But we’ve never had schedule, been in time never ever!

All right, keep going on then...

 

Yes, never and ever we won’t be together! Can’t simply imagine how deep is my pain!

- Why do you senselessly hurt and remind me?

Only just stay!

 

No need to be sad, my life and my sweetest! Nice day is outside, a pretty new thing!

- Calm down your feelings, stop bothering now!

The world is not going to lay in ruins...

 

Be happy, my darling! Awfully beg you don’t start to wail!

- Surely will! There is no cry, no weeps and no tears!

You see, it’s raining again...

 

Nevertheless I love you, my princess! Bear in mind you are all to all for me!

- Do not unsettle, keep quietly going!

I’ll manage, won’t fall on knees...

 

It’s time I were finally moving. Give me a promise - try and get some sleep!

- No use to be worried - I promise!  Bid fair...!

Be happy as well and smile without grief.

 

Before I’m out, can I put one last question? Want to receive a sincere response...

- Ask without fears! Of course, I’ll be honest!  

No foolish behaviour, game, silly pose.

 

You’ve made me a promise, but how can you seal - heart doesn’t... bleed?

-Well, since you insist - let my words be a remembrance, present.

One truth instead of a farewell, then you can leave.

 

My soul is totally empty. Dead. In a coma. Breathing by force. Till is asleep.

 

---

 

Funeral

 

Choice of a truth -

truth from a choice.

Remembrance.

 

Insight to pieces -

pieces from insight.

Mistake.

 

A moment of injury -

injury from a moment.

Sore.

 

Negation of faith -

faith in negation.

Pride.

 

Death of a dream -

dream for a death.

Earth.

 

---

Eccentricity

 

You chase me away.

 

Still want me like crazy,

break all that we owned,

gates bitterly slamming

through wisdom beyond.

 

I follow your dream -

breath not allowed.

To be as a lichen,

existing somehow.

 

Others to long me-

stand spirit apart.

This way to be happy,

no matter of heart.

 

Murderous nonsense -

want to ruin?

The ugly reality -

thus you do kill.

 

Miss you, dry up -

craving your love.

Feel this at once,

came from above.

 

Falling to pieces and leave -

you can remain all alone.

Good luck to you, honey!

I’ll survive by my own.

 

Embrace you in silence,

smile hardly departs.

Have you been happy

forgot wisely to ask...

 

---

Atlantida

 

Crowds of attention,

wandering thoughts,

smile out of mass.

 

Cruelly tracing,

dig in the garbage -

seeking  fresh grass.

 

Rock of grotesque -   

eternal essence.

A serial mask.

 

Graciously hides

all the remaining.

Ocean of trash.

 

Words just mechanics,

presence run idle.

Stare - flint glass.

 

Not from a brilliance,

either vitality,

metal is crashed.

 

Breathing is gone,

vanity reigns.

Coral is grass.

 

---

 

Response

 

Now thou hast loved me one whole day,
To-morrow when thou leavest, what wilt thou say ?

John Donne

 

If something happens then what meaning is to blame?

When nothing of ones’  hearts is simply not the same.

Well, one may dares, others let  abstain.

No sense, no right, no need, no meaning to complain.

Constancy of contracts – yes, purposed aims could be justified.

Do we speak for love?

It’s not ambitious goal strong about we used to fight -

a point of view , don’t you think, about our fears?

Mine, and hers, and theirs, and yours as well.

But the feelings deep inside are not... damned gears.

Who is brave enough , or stupid maybe called?

Who can judge the future – warming, hot or cold? 

Words in swears? Vows ? And oaths ? Or... beliefs?

Try to find the name again – be honest, darling, please!

Dispute , and conquer  ones could always do.

And thoughts exist no matter or the opposite –

because of  you.

Nothings else forever is just pretty , pretty, pretty wise

Or maybe, don’t you thing - the simple reason is... 

living in a hell reject the dreams of ones’ bloody paradise?

Who can judge the future – until we draw a breath?

Ties till death could be judged - behind this very death.

 

---

 

Mote

 

Looking at the stars, sinking in the earth.

Just nobody and nobody’s -

no right to be a bird!

Everything  around me hurts, feeling so accussed.

Do not imagine!  Do not dream!

Everything refused.

Faithful into loving, nothing more to lose.

A man can die for that , but once  -

this you can not choose.

Torn into pieces, keep this world apart.

You know, sunny? It’s just a matter of a heart.

You don’t never ever want again to miss...

But I dare to love and give you  my one and only  kiss.

I’ve done no mistake , my sunny, even I am plain.

A dance, a touch, just everything -

nothing more than a simple rain.

A bodyguard of someone’s  tender magic soul.

And your rabid devils where to burn and flow.

You know, my darling, it’s not a sin to feel a pain.

Remember, sunny? This price I do never complain.

Things sometimes happen, they always used to be.

And sometimes nothing more – just a single desert tree.

 

---

Roads*

 

Helpless silence, calm as ice,

empty coldness back in  eyes.

Time is up, nothing strange, you’re gone, you’re gone again...

Don’t be worry, I’m ok - just walled up out in the pouring rain.

Sad eyes never lye, this harmful sense, how could ever I explain.

Insane and ashes, seems so strange, a little stupid, but full of pain.

 

I regret for every single moment forever wasted in the time.

No right  I know, but feel so brokenhearted deep in mine...

They’ve passed me by, remained behind me in your other life.

Can’t never have them, never! All these lost days and our night.

Jealous about each missed your second, belonged to someone else.

For you is easy to forget, no doubts, ‘cause never fall from grace.

No meaning, yea.. without excuse and for sure out of mind.

Forgive this nonsense of a non-existing woman, she’s blind.

 

Why never enough often you do blame -  

usual life is something all over the same.

Do not destroy this special magic world of mine,

you truly pray!

A try to make it real  fated is to die.

No, I’m not gonna it to slay!

It hurts, but yea, I know - the price is always matchless to the pain.

Dull eyes and desert hearts, you’re right, what to live for after then.

 

It’s time for show, don’t be late.

I know you’ll always be a great!

No crime to live this one and only life your brilliant way.

When need  a break, you come - a kiss, and back away.

A destiny you long to own, you fight for, can’t be a  jail.

Smile before goodbye and just leave me beyond the veil.

 

---

Lack

 

Beating temples –

a fit of madness

Everything undreamed.

A teardrop –

my wall of silent sadness.

I know you don’t wanna believe.

 

A swarming shadow of a woman

obscure somehow, I don’t even think.

No edge of time, no sense, no meaning -

a cloudburst rain your soul to sink.

 

A scar of sore, my only sunny -  

just followed our dream.

A touch of pain, it reached us, darling.

You know -it let me scream...

---

Wail*  

There was a deep wish like a desert ember in one’s magic soul -

nobody never ever after her to miss you on this earth anymore!

There were a flight of cruel dream in a strong man like a howl -  

not to hurt and burn in  love, instead you better dye before.

 

There’s no fault, but you were wrong, my darling -

someone miss’  you, dying for your endless heart to find

There’s no fault, but you belong, my sunshine -

someone longs for your soul, and body and your mind.

There’s no fault , but you are wrong, my darling -

someone cares about your life and priceless love.

There’s no fault, but you belong, my sunshine -

someone doesn’t want this life without your love.

 

Listen, can’t you hear it?

Someone somewhere in the night maybe cries.

A sound of crumble strings -

unborn dream aches in nobody’s blind eyes.

I know you do feel it!

Survives anyhow from the pain till is alive, tears apart.

Burnt satin wings…

Still dares to love you no matter this feeling is so hard.

 

Kissing  gently his tired hands, melt one’s tender eyes,

knowing what I know this could not be ever a disguise.

Touching such a way while I breathe

you just to sink in mine -

loving you to death for me

it’s not, it’s not, it’s not a crime!

 

Until you love , till you are in love,

there always be such a pain.

Even I don’t exist, your miss is awful,

one mortal dealing plain.

Don’t worry,

this unreal feeling of a strange will maybe pass you by.

Don’t be sorry,

just a timeless moment of a rain after your first goodbye.

 

---

* Created as a song’s  text.

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